Starve or burn

A man in India poured kerosene and set himself on fire, despairing that he had no way to feed himself and his family. However, his neighbors found him and managed to douse the fire. The end result was 70% of his body suffering from burns, and him even worse off in his ability to feed his family.

Stabbing an elderly chest

A 95-year old man apparently tried to commit suicide by stabbing himself in the chest. It just got him into a lot of pain; he didn't even fall unconscious. He is recovering in a local hospital, where he will unlikely be able to try another attempt.

Hanging from the fourth floor

A woman in Azerbaijan tried to commit suicide by jumping off the roof of a four-story building. Officers from the Ministry of Emergency Situations managed to stop her, however. She had to suffer the indignity of being manhandled and having images of her attempt posted on the Internet. At least she didn't actually jump off, which would more likely than not resulted in a lot of broken bones without actually killing her.

Stuffed washcloth

A woman in San Francisco tried to suffocate herself to death by stuffing her mouth with a washcloth. She was found before she asphyxiated to death, and she probably suffered brain damage from the lack of oxygen.

Razor blade attempt

A man in an Oregon jail tried to slit his own throat using a blade scavenged from a safety razor. Before he could bleed out to death, he was taken to the hospital and survived. Not only would he have had to suffer through lightheadedness due to blood loss, but he'll probably have to grow a beard when in prison.

Apartment fire

A man in Alaska set fire on his own apartment in an attempt to commit suicide. Despite the fire spreading through his apartment and smoke coming out of the building, the police were able to extract the man while the firefighters managed to put out the fire. Not only did he fail to get himself killed while risking the lives of his neighbors, his apartment is now in ruins and he may be criminally charged with arson.

Bandage suicide attempt

A prison inmate tried to kill himself using a bandage used for his injury. While the authorities have not revealed exactly how he tried to use the bandage, he probably tried to strangulate or hang himself or he could have tried to stuff the bandage in his throat to choke himself. Whatever it was, it didn't work out so well, which is no surprise considering how stretchy and porous bandages usually are. From now on, he'll probably get funny looks whenever he needs bandages.

Pushed to the brink by the power company

An 84 year old veteran of World War II tried to kill himself by swallowing a hundred sleeping pills. He was pushed to suicide because of the large bills that his power company had been demanding for years, and when them breaking into his home to install a prepayment meter was the last straw. The ridiculous thing was that the bill was wrong. In fact, it was the power company that owed the man a large amount of money.

After taking the pills and spending two nights in the cold, with no heating in the winter, he was found three days later by a relative. He was taken to the hospital unconscious, and they managed to save him. After the old man's suicide attempt, the power company may end up having to pay its due, which would be a rare good result from a failed suicide attempt.

Juvenile center bed sheet hanging

A 17 year old teenager hanged himself with a bed sheet in a juvenile detention center at Los Angeles. Before he could expire, he was found and rushed to a local hospital. Not only did he have to experience the agonizing pain of being asphyxiated, he failed to achieve death and ended up in critical condition in the hospital. Another attempt will be difficult under the circumstances.

Missed shot to the heart

A former Green Beret veteran pointed a handgun to his chest and fired. Remarkably, despite shooting a derivative of a hollow-point bullet, the bullet passed clean through his body and missed his heart. He not only had to suffer the pain of a bullet wound, but his own opinion of himself as a sharpshooter probably suffered as he missed hitting a vital organ at point blank range.